She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
