I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize