You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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