i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
