I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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