I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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