i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
