Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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