Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
