At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
