The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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