does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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