did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
