I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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