toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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