did you get engaged???
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
