I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
