is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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