I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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