so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
