Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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