I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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