well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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