best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
