I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
