Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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