Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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