well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
