It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
