you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
