he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
