I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize