Yo dont text me then not text me
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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