There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
