Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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