Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
