Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
