No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Randomize
