I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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