It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
