too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
