I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
