Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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