I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
