You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
