You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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