Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
