I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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