Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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