dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
