We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I smell like Dick and happiness
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
