Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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