Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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