I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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