theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
