he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
