I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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