I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
