You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
