so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
