Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
