Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
