just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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