so explain again why im purple
no
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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