Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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