Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
