I understand Curling. That high.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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