And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We were destined to go to rehab together
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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