I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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