nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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