Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize