whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
