FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
