just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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