I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
