A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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