halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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