Swine flu. Run for my life!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
