He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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