I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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