dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
