she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
