Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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