I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
