Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
