wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So vagazzling was a success
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
