I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
