someone threw a dead crab at me
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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