She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
