Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
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