guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
farters have to be the big spoon...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
