Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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