We're like a lot better than the average bears
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
