Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
