I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
